My closest friend is deeply in love with me personally. Therefore now Sue is extremely hurt and seems betrayed.

Every our relationship expert, Sarah Abell, answers readers’ questions on emotional issues week.

7:00AM GMT 15 Mar 2011

In the past my companion, Sue, said she had dropped in love off saying, “I don’t feel the same way, you’re my best friend, I’m straight” with me web link and I brushed her. She was at the full time and is still in a committed relationship with kiddies. We always been close friends throughout the years with durations where she’d take away from our relationship however we’d return to being fine once more, at the least, I thought we did.

Sue now informs me she’s got held it’s place in love beside me the time that is entire has struggled whenever I’ve experienced relationships, which may have been with guys. Fast-forward to now and I also find myself within my first relationship with a woman plus it is actually with Sue’s really closest friend of two decades. We don’t know why it just happened nonetheless it did and it’s good.

She had been waiting I was meant to be with her for me to have the “ah ha” moment and realise.

Additionally the only explanation she thought over time that individuals weren’t together had been because i might never desire to be with a lady. She blames me personally for the form her relationship has been around when it comes to previous years and she feels that I’ve led her on for the time that is entire.

Sue is quite upset I do not know how to navigate the situation with me and. She desires distance, that we get but i will be really mad too at having lost her relationship. She informs me she’s working on the relationship and household now and if that gets better, we could be buddies as time goes by. We come together thus I see her each day. And her relationship together with her closest friend hasn’t changed; it is simply ours, which can be the problem. Do any advice is had by you about how to salvage this relationship?

What a messy situation! I need to state reading your page I became reminded to be fifteen again when my buddies and I also talked about “best friends”, had crushes, got jealous sometimes whenever buddies dated one another and would see red if your mate produced move on some body we liked. You aren’t teens navigating the turbulent waters of unrequited love, raging hormones and testing the boundaries of relationship – you might be grown women – whom dare I say it, should be aware of better. Rather than using the passive approach of thinking that is one thing occurring for your requirements if you and Sue took some responsibility for your own actions and behaviour– I think it would be more productive.

Let’s focus on Sue. She actually is in “a committed relationship with kiddies” and blames you when it comes to bad state of her relationship along with her partner. If she actually is in a committed relationship – why had been she pursuing you for many these years anyhow particularly if you informed her you weren’t interested? It is possible to blame other individuals however the the fact is Sue permitted her emotions to help you digest her and she, perhaps not you, accounts for their state of her relationship along with her family members.

You meanwhile appear unacquainted with why Sue might be upset and feel furious that you have got lost her relationship. If you’re intent on salvaging this relationship you ought to make an effort to comprehend her emotions and become truthful concerning the component you played in producing this current situation. Consider truthfully on– knowing as you did that she had romantic feelings for you whether you ever did anything to lead her? Could your friendliness or closeness have now been interpreted as flirtation? Would you have put up better boundaries around your relationship? In the event that you responded “yes” – consider apologising to Sue for just about any upset you caused.

You don’t mention how Sue discovered regarding the new relationship but if it wasn’t away from you directly – think of just how that made her feel. Have actually you attempted to reveal to her exactly exactly exactly how you unexpectedly became interested in a girl (specially person who is her closest friend) whenever for a lot of years you advertised you can never fancy somebody of your very own intercourse? Once you understand the reality may help her to know a better that is little.

Just what does your brand new partner think of the problem?

It appears amazing that her relationship with Sue has remained unscathed. Did she maybe perhaps maybe not understand that Sue was at love with you before she made her go? But, as Sue is not upset along with her, possibly she can help you to re-build your relationship. Take to asking on her insights on Sue’s responses as well as perhaps some suggestions about just what might enhance issues.

My suggestion is always to communicate with Sue, apologise if you want to and discuss means of moving forward together with your relationship and working relationship. Nonetheless it maybe that Sue can’t or won’t move ahead with this. If it could be the situation – you’ve got no option but to respect her emotions also to keep her to re-build her relationships. Often readiness is once you understand when you should keep well alone.

* CONTACT SARAH ABELL

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